The most iconic lines in romance movies tend to provide the worst relationship advice. I’ll explain why and don’t worry there will be no spoilers!
“I love you, you complete me” Jerry Macguire
A line that was almost left out of the final production was kept because it was delivered so well. It’s said others on set were even brought to tears. However, in terms of relationship advice it’s actually a terrible expectation. Expecting completion or wholeness of yourself through someone else only leads to disappointment. Actually, expecting to feel complete at all leads to disappointment.
The truth is we are not complete. Life isn’t perfect and we are not either. Life is actually quite messy however it is how we deal with unfortunate events that shapes us into more mature and content people. It is not the responsibility of your significant other to fill voids in your life. It is the responsibility of both in the relationship to be someone that can hold the other up, listen, or just simply be there when the other is going through a difficult time. It’s also sharing happy experiences with each other and everything in between.
Maybe a better line would have been: “I love you, I appreciate how you tolerate and care for me at my worst and also prefer to share happy moments with me.” Better relationship expectation but would make a terrible movie quote.
“If you’re a bird, I’m a bird.” The Notebook
This line is in regards to compromise which is an important quality in relationship. Compromising is expecting and it is good relationship advice to do so. However, when we are compromising so much that we are changing our entire being or in this case species then perhaps that is too much compromise. In all seriousness, compromising isn’t something were you can change a core quality or belief. There will always be resentment if you completely change something so true to your identity in order to please someone else. You also should never expect someone to do that for you.
“I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy asking him to love her” Notting Hill
Sometimes we must be direct when addressing an issue in a relationship. Cryptic statements are never advised. However, when it comes to the most basic fundamental piece of your relationship, your love for one another if you have to ask about it then the chances are the issues run very deep. Have a candid conversation together and also apart to see if the relationship is even plausible at this point.
It’s unlikely you’re taking notes during movies to use as relationship advice but if you are, stop. Read the Untangled Blog first.